March 19, 2011

What a difference a year makes

This time last year Troy and our boys were going to an easter egg hunt, followed by playplace at McDonalds outside. It was so nice and warm. We had went and picked up Troy's motorcycle from the mechanic (what irony) and then went to McDonalds. We were there forever it seemed like. It was just too nice out to be inside. We had a little photography session with my phone plus for some reason I had my regular camera with me and took pics of the boys playing. It was such a great day with the boys. Who knew it would be our last weekend with our boys.

I can't believe it's almost been a year. I feel like I haven't come very far. I'm not dating. Well, I've gone out with two guys and I never talked to them again. Probably they hated that my favorite subject was Troy. I still can't believe this new life.

I've moved back to my hometown for my son to be near his dad and I want to go back to school. So here I am, working full time and the two days a week I don't have my son I am in class until 9:30 at night. I stay busy, but I miss him. I miss him a lot. It's so stupid though. We weren't really together that long. But long enough to know that it was perfect. As a friend of his said, he's not perfect but he's perfect for me.

I just miss him. I just want him back. I do believe the next couple of weeks are going to be hard. Reliving our last weekend together (and what a great one it was), to his wreck followed by his death 18 days later. It feels like it happened last month.

They say time heals....I'm not sure if its that but there are more good days. I'm happy, just lonely and missing something. It's him that I'm missing. and then I think of what life what would have been like. Us married, our two boys...together. What a perfect blended family. I can only imagine....


  1. Kelly-

    Sending hugs to you. You and I both know very well that the amount of time that we have with someone is not connected to how much we love and miss them. We love and miss them as much as the impact they had on our life... and by that measure its no wonder your hurt is so big.

    I think about you all the time and miss ya. I'll be keeping you even closer in my thoughts as April approaches.


  2. So glad I have now found your blog! Big Hugs Hon!

    Im quick, real quick! ;)